I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
