god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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