i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
