Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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