someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
