Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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