He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
