The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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