real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
