It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
