after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
