If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
