its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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