A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
