well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
