not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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