that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
