clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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