discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
