Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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