I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
