Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
