Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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