On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
