I accidentally had phone sex last night
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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