I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Randomize
