I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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