I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
