He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im on a boat
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