my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
