I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
