Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
