Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
please don't ironically join a cult
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