I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
