if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
