How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
