i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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