I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You've changed since you got that strap on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
