Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
