There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
