he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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