i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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