Please, let me fuck your mom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
