there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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