I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
