Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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