I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
