Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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