i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
