Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
