I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
