Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
