omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
