We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
