Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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