You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
