a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
