It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
