He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
