Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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