Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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