Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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