So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
