Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
