Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
