Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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