i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
