...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
