is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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