Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
